There are some strange sayings in the English Language. But today I was thinking about the one “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone”.
For me, when we lost Finley I don’t think we knew what we had lost. We had no other children. There was an empty space on the floor in the living room. I never noticed it. Why would I – it was the same way it always was empty. I noticed the flowers. I noticed the flowers on the mantle piece. They brightened that spot while they were there, but after a little while they die. Then you notice that the spot is empty – but only in comparison to the full spot that was there before.
Today I noticed the empty spot on the living room floor is no longer empty. There is a white whicker box there full of colourful toys. It looks like it belongs there, it looks like it has always been there. But it wasn’t. It has been delayed.
There was an empty space where the toy box should have been.
Now there is a toy box in the corner that used to be empty.
So this weeks photo blog title at Sticky Fingers caught my attention. I am not sure that I will be able to choose just one entry, but this is where I will start.
A Mother’s Love knows no bounds. It has no limits, it is more powerful than any other love. In my case my love for my kids is present in life and in death. This photo holds my story. It holds the story of my family.
The two of us, me and my hubby are in the picture in the top right corner. This is us in happier times, just before I got pregnant the first time. We lost that baby at 8 weeks in 2008.
The baby on the table is my little girl Twinkle, she is gazing at her brother Finley in the top left photograph. Finley passed away during labour August 2nd 2o09. This photo was taken after his death, during the brief period of time before we said our final goodbye. My three children will never fight, or hug in the way brothers and sisters do. They will only meet each other in this life in their dreams. I will never kiss them all good night on the same night, I will never spend a mothers day curled up with all my children in my bed.
On this mother’s day I will hold my daughter and know that the space she fills in my heart is reflected by the space filled by my other children. Their spirit and memory are as beautiful to me as her body is. I know that my love for my children is unbreakable. I hold their memory in my heart, as their souls fly free. I carry the immense love of a mother for her children until we are together again.