Finleys Footprints

Becoming a Angel Grandparent
In memory of Savannah Jolynne Dodson 1/23/2008

This is an experience I never thought I would have nor did ever occur to me that others had experienced it. I guess it is because it is never talked about, but I want and LOVE to talk about my Savannah.

When I found out that my daughter and her husband were expecting I was so happy and excited. I was also scared because they had had several miscarriages before. The further along she got the more I relaxed. Kristy had been on bed rest and had been taking extra good care of herself listening to everything the doctors told her to do. Her husband waited on her like she was a queen. I was so proud of both of them.

Even though my husband & I were nervous we had already started making plans for our grandchild. We thought of how we could always have her close to us since they live right down the road from where we live. We pictured me having to fight my daughter & her husband so we could see her more since we both knew how over protected they would be. We pictured tricycles, fishing playing and just spoiling her rotten.

Kristy and Doug went to the doctor one day and they found a problem with Savannahs kidneys. They said it was Poly Cystic Kidney Disease. But and this a BIG but.. The doctor told her that she was going to a specialist and everything would be okay. My husband being the nerd in family looked it up on the internet and the information was not good. I refused to believe any of it because the doctor said everything would be okay.

We thought that maybe Savannah would have to be on dialysis until she was big enough for a transplant. We also know of family members and friends that only have one kidney and they do great. So we thought okay she will be a little sick but she will be alright and we were prepared to do help them in any way we could.

The day we went to the Specialist, we all went. My husband and I took Kristy and Doug and off we went to hear the news about what they were going to do to fix our grand baby. The doctor was about an hour away and we did not know where his office was so we went early. We found the office and we had lots of time before the appointment so we went to eat and there I found Savannah a stuffed elephant so I bought it and off we go to the appointment. We were nervous but we stood strong as a family ready to fix these medical problems.

We arrived at the doctor’s office and Kristy and Doug allowed my husband & I to go back with them. Kristy was getting an ultrasound to see how bad the kidneys were. I just saw her heart beating and we found out that she was a GIRL… The technician left the room and we were all happy and laughing because I had been right about her being a girl. I was ecstatic.

The Doctor {who was very nice & compassionate to all of us} came in a few minutes later and he did another ultrasound. He then told us that Savannahs kidneys were so big that she never developed her lungs. The kidneys took up all the room. I remember asking well how long before she can get a transplant and then the doctor told us that she had no lungs to do a transplant. He then said our Grandbaby was going to die. He told us that if Savannah lived through delivery that she would basically suffocate because she had no way to get any oxygen. We all lost it. My husband was sitting in a chair, I was standing by the table and we just had to watch Kristy and Doug hold each other, cry and watch their hearts and world crumble. We could do nothing to stop the hurt or the pain. We as their parents could do nothing to fix this. It was horrible. In that few minutes I lost my grand daughter forever but we also lost our daughter and her husband as they were because we knew that things would never be the same.

After things calmed down he said Kristy needed to be induced as soon as possible because of all the toxins in Savannahs kidneys. We left and waited for the call for her to go into the hospital to have Savannah. While we were waiting the family had to be called and Doug’s parents had to get here. We went with them to the funeral home to make arrangements. A few days later Kristy was admitted for induction. They allowed all of the grandparents to be in the room with them and for that I will be forever grateful.

When Savannah was born she was still born. The nurses wrapped her in a blanket and handed her to Kristy. All of us grandparents left the room for a few minutes to give Kristy, Doug and Savannah time as a family. When we came back in we were all allowed to hold her, kiss her and tell her how much she was loved and wanted. I even got to kiss her feet.{ I’m sick but I love kissing my grandbabies feet.} It was so hard to let her go. It was even harder to leave my daughter at the hospital after all she had been through but my husband said they {Kristy & Doug} needed to finish this on their own.

The first year after Savannah passed it was hell. There is no nice way to describe it. I had never been through what Kristy and Doug were going through so I felt lost. I did not know how to help. We went and picked up Savannahs ashes and just the four of us went up on the mountain and placed them with her great great grandmother. All I could do is listen to her and hold her while her heart was shattering. I was really worried that she would have a nervous break down so we watched her close but we also gave her and her husband their space.

I had friends that I could talk to but they had never experienced what I was going through. I LOST MY GRAND DAUGHTER AND I WAS MAD. I thought if I heard one more person said they would pray for us I would scream. We prayed. We prayed for a healthy grandbaby. We prayed for the pain to stop for just a little while. I would question WHY our prayers weren’t answered. I just wanted someone to fix this and no one could. I could not loose it in front of my daughter so I would stay up at night and just cry and cry. I would get in the tub or shower and cry because there no one could hear me.

My husband is a traditional Indian so the way he handles death is very reserved and his heart was broken. Not only because of Savannahs death but also because he was so worried about Kristy and Doug. Kristy is and always will be his baby. He has never been able to see her in any type of pain. This time he could not do anything to help fix this.

Now that some time has passed I have found ways to honor Savannah. All holidays I buy, donate or give something in Savannah’s name. I do the Walk to Remember each year with Kristy and Doug. I keep Savannahs picture up with all my other grandchildren’s. When asked how many grandkids I have, I always include Savannah. Kristy gave ne a copy of a poem called A Pair of Shoes. I changed everything to grandmother instead of mother and it hangs on the wall. I love reading it and when people come over I think it helps them understand a little better.

Kristy started a support group and helps a lot of women who now have baby angels and I am so proud of her for that. She also started donating memory boxes to the hospital filled with various things. She did this so women would have something to put their baby’s things in and so they would not leave the hospital empty handed. She has grown into a strong woman. She is still broken hearted but she is honoring Savannah by helping others.

Doug is a wonderful man. He has taken such good care of my daughter and she takes good care of him. I am truly blessed to see that their marriage did not shatter but they have grown closer each day. He grieves for Savannah but he also makes sure that he grieves with Kristy and he does push her away.

If I have any advice for other Angel grand parents it is to (1) stay strong for your kids. (2) Don’t try to ignore their pain it will not go away. They are the ones that lost their baby. (3) Let them handle it by themselves their way. Just be there if they need you. (4) Talk about your grandchild. The baby will always be part of the family and not talking about him / her hurts. (5) Remember you are not alone. Your pain is real. And you can contact me at anytime day or night if you need to talk. Unfortunately I do understand how you feel. E mail address is: rojomonroe@aol.com. (6) Watch in wonder when your child finds ways to honor their baby.

We need support groups for grandparents of Angels and we need ways for grandparents to contact us when they know they are going to go through this sorrow so we can help.

Robin Branham….grandmother to Savannah Jolynne Dodson…a perfect angel In Heaven